When Illness Becomes Identity

When we overly identify with illness, it becomes our identity.  When it is our identity it becomes part of the "I".  When something that has become the "I" is threatened, we feel threatened.  It's a very strange phenomenon.

Now very few people will say "Well, I need to keep this illness because it is part of who I am."  That would sound crazy.  And yet, we see groups formed around how ill we are they make tee shirts and have events and even make jewelry,  in the name of support of course, and perhaps there is that gained, but there is also this curious bonding over limitations and symptoms.

I see and have experienced  myself of how living with chronic illness creates a framework, a structure.  When that structure is gone, sometimes people flounder.  We have been that way for so long, with our chronic companion, that we literally don't know who we are without it.

In some ways it is similar to the person who likes to fight, for whatever reason - perhaps it makes them feel right, maybe it burns off old resentments, maybe it's covering grief........and yet will always say they want peace.  But when peace comes, they get very uncomfortable (because things likely surface), and they go and pick a fight.  It very much feels like addiction - and of course there are all of the chemicals in the body that are produced, so heck, there is some physical validity there.

And also brings to mind how the energies of chronic illness are very similar to the energies of addiction.  Some might say they are the same, but just had a different choice point.

All of this makes it very challenging to shift.

We need to go under the structure that we have created (or allowed to be created) and look to the foundation....and maybe this has us going way back in time.

It can sound super daunting.....and I have two ways that I approach this.

First, I look to the Irish way which I learned from Sean Donoghue.  In Ireland, they would not say "I am sad" ,they would say "sadness is upon  me."  This brings a fleeting, temporary time element to things and keeps it separate from the "I".  Instead of "I am ill",they would say "Illness is upon me."  Again, this keeps it outside of the "I" and in a transient state.......it may be upon me now, like a little dark cloud hanging over, but it also can move on when the wind blows.

Next,  I pose  a simple and very important question....one that most people struggle with answering.  And this is: "Who are you without your illness?"

And then we move from there.