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Life is weird..... tendrils and rambles and a migraine



I have not had a real auric migraine in 20 years or so.  I had one today.  It would have scared the shit out of me had I not had a past history with them.  I know this was a pharmaceutical induced migraine, from an antibiotic I took yesterday.  I rarely take antibiotics, always reaching for my herbal allies first. 

But there are certain times that they aren't enough and certain times when I know that pharmaceuticals are the best route to go, or things can become dire and life threatening.  This was one of those times.  I learned from a die hearted stubbornness I had in the past that a UTI can rapidly progress to life threatening kidney infection.  So after two days of herbs only keeping things at bay with a slower progression, I went to my FNP.


Fast forward....... I felt pretty awful from this massive one dose med- I'm allergic to most antibiotics and knew I could manage this one. 

Rough night of gastro distress and bad dreams..... horrible dreams.  This morning I felt off.  After showering I noticed my field  of vision was missing pieces.  There were jagged lines with black and white stripes that kept overlaying on things. I thought ok that's odd.  I dont think I'm imagining this.

Then I picked up my phone to text my husband and let him know something was up, just in case.  The words started moving on their own around the screen.  The last letters of lines disappeared and reappeared.  Am I having a stroke? I thought.  No this is familiar.  Still no pain but a presence in my head on the left side.... behind and in my eye.  I picked up the book I am reading and found that nothing I was reading made sense.  It had no meaning.  This was scary.  I went around the house pointing at things and saying "this is a couch.  This is a piano"". Ok I wasn't having a stroke.  This was an auric migraine. I remembered.

Went to bed, then the auras dissipated and were replaced with crushing pain.  I found an Audio sound bath tuned to a frequency for migraines and gradually fell asleep.  Woke two hours later after another series of horrible vivid dreams. Pain somewhat lessened but still present.


Today I'll just remain in bed and hope to feel better tomorrow both from the healing from antibiotics and from its side effects .

And then there's the whole thing of auric migraines and what are we really experiencing here?  Just mishaps and missed synapses....... or something more like the energy and fluidity of things.  🤷🏻‍♀️


Here's the weird tendril part....... ready?


🧙🏻‍♀️The weird thing...... and I KNOW I'm going to sound like a crazy person.  🧙🏻‍♀️ Several days ago I made a house call.  The woman had a UTI.  I brought some herbs.  The next day she was fine.  The next day I started with UTI symptoms.  And yes this often happens in my healing work. Like a weird siphoning.  Sometimes it doesn't happen. Often when it does I can clear it.  Sometimes it's harder to and it makes me stop and it takes me down.  And then I get back up.  Someone recently told me this is called chaos magic. Hmmmmm ok...... that's a new one to me.  But makes some sense.


sometimes we can do amazing things but sometimes there is a cost to those things.  And yes, each time I have one of these encounters , I question the particular tendril of my path and think maybe this isn't for me anymore.  And then ...... but I'm really good at it..... and then but also at a cost to me which is sometimes quite high.........and I haven't quite learned how to not do this..... and I have bills and kids so there's that too.


Sometimes I think this is life going "hey you ARE all one.  All of you!  You too"...... and it's the way it speaks to be because it makes me pay attention. 🤷🏻‍♀️.


Maybe time to turn fully over to my writing and talking and teaching and attempt to make a career out of it 🤔

And continue to pay attention to the teachers that step forward into my field and teach me things that are really important about how to live and life and all that jazz.


The world is fucking weird man.

(And yes I do realize I sound like a crazy person....which probably means im not one.  Just someone who experiences the world quite uniquely that only a few kin seem to understand. I'm grateful for them. )

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